It’s The Little Things.

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Mommy Loves You Baby Girl :*

Being a mom is an indescribable feeling. I enjoy every single little thing about it. Most people would say that it gets tiring and aggravating, but I have yet to feel that way, honestly. My daughter amazes me every second of the day. Fortunately being a stay-at-home mom means that I don’t miss any part of her growing up, especially during this time when she is growing so quickly. It’s as if she’s growing right before my eyes! I notice progress every day, it’s incredible.

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Zebra Baby (:

Being a young mom (I’m 20 years old) is another stereotype that I “fall under” which I’m not at all ashamed of it. As a matter of fact, I prefer being a young mom versus an older mom because I can grow with my daughter as well as being able to do things with her while we’re both young. I love the fact that I ALWAYS have somebody to go somewhere with. I enjoy the fact that being a mom is a job that I love without being paid, I love that being on call 24/7 gives me something to do since I hate the feeling of not having anything to do, and I love the fact that I am so lucky to have a good baby that gives me opportunities not to have to do anything.

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I Love Mommy ♥

The littlest things she does helps me discover her unique personality every day. Things like her falling into a dead sleep when she’s laying on me. I can go walking around, talking loud, going here going there, she won’t wake up. But as soon as I put her down, no more than 3 minutes later she starts crying realizing that I’m not there anymore. As soon as I pick her up, she stops and falls right back asleep. Is that not the cutest thing ever? It fills me with love.

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Her Face?! Too Cute!

She’ll probably love pedicures, or getting foot massages because she LOVES when you play with her feet. It calms her down almost every time she fusses.

I have rarely heard stories of babies who don’t cry during bath time, but Natalia doesn’t. She loves bath time and the feeling of her body being massaged with warm water and getting clean. I wash her head full of hair real good which she appreciates I’m sure.

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My Little Ray of Sunshine ❤

She will probably be a morning person because she’s always in such a good mood when she wakes up, and usually “cranky” or fussy at night if I wait too long to put her to bed. Early riser, early sleeper; opposite of me.

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Waiting for the Doctor.

She’s starting to turn her head to follow me wherever I go. I even read in an article sent to my email about baby stages for her age (which is 1 month and 10 days old today) that she will start recognizing people, sounds, and environments. I have been noticing that Natalia seems to know who her grandma is, and where her changing table is, and things like that. I imagine that she’s thinking “This is where she changes my diaper. Yay, Thanks mom!”, lol. She knows when it’s time to get changed because she’ll cry, and if she has a dirty diaper, I lay her down and start messing with her diaper and the crying stops. She used to cry all the way until you were entirely done, all the way to you snapping the last side. 😀

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My Cutie Pie ❤

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Natalia @ The Doctor’s

She’s very sensitive. Every little thing bothers her, from her clothes being uncomfortable, her seat being too hot or cold, her mouth is wet, when she has the littlest bit of poop in her diaper, every little thing. She’ll probably be a neat freak or perhaps a perfectionist like her mother. (;

She gets bored easily, which means she’ll probably be a busy body, not lazy thank God! She gets tired of being in one room too long and enjoys walking around (or being carried around) so she can look at different things. I feel like this will make her a curious person, someone who wants to learn new things. She seems to enjoy it when I go outside with her. I think the fresh air, sunlight and the company of animals makes her calm and happy. It’s adorable.

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At the Dr.’s Matching. (:

What’s even more adorable is that my 3 little dogs seem to know that she’s a baby, that she’s my baby. Shoot, they knew when I was pregnant, they could feel it. I could tell. They acted different. I remember them sniffing my belly as if they knew there was a little being in there. When I brought the baby home the dogs were so curious to see her and sniff her. I let them sniff her little foot and it was as if they knew she was my baby and accepted her right away. It was interesting to see the dogs and the way they reacted. Even the youngest of them, Bandit, acts like her big brother. When she cries, her runs to where the cry is coming from, barks, then runs back to us and barks again as if saying “Hey, hey! The baby’s crying!”. It’s the funniest, cutest little thing.

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My Everything ♥

I love it when she’s feeding, and she has her hands holding me and closing and opening her fingers over and over again. It tickles sometimes, but it’s such an amazing feeling to feel those tiny little hands that I made kneading on me like a kitten nursing on their mommy. Sometimes I’ll look away, and when I look back down at her I catch her staring at me. It’s a very touching experience, I love it so much.

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Her First Bath.

Every little detail of everything about her fills my entire body with love. Even things like her crying and her poop. She cries like a little lamb and says “mmbaaaaaaaaaa!” and I can’t help but think how adorable she sounds. Her poop is nasty, but then she acts so cool and cute about getting changed that I forget all about how nasty it is. Even her farts and burps are cute! They’re so loud she makes me think there’s another adult in the room with us, lol! That little girl is so funny she could be a comedian already. 😀

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We matched. (:

The way Natalia stares at me while I do my hair, or put on my makeup is another thing she does that melts my heart. I can already tell she’s going to love hair and makeup just like me. ❤

All the little things she does and the things I notice make me enjoy being a mom so much more. I even told my mom last night that I loved being a mom. She told me that I loved it more than she did, and that made me feel good, or more confident that I was a good mom because my mom was a wonderful mother to me and my sister. (:

I ordered a bunch of pictures of her and of me when I was pregnant to start scrap booking and decorating the baby book.

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Left: Buddy, Right: Bandit

By the way, my apologies for the slack on blogging. I have been very busy enjoying every minute of Natalia’s life and getting things organized that I haven’t found the time to write any posts. But that will change. I plan to get back to my crafts that I want to finish, scrap booking, and getting things ready for college that I’m going to start this year in August. But that’s for another post later on. (:

One more thing, one of my very good friends Ashley took some professional photos of my little family which will be posted later on as well. Here’s a sneak peek to see what you have to look forward to! ♥

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My Labor Experience

Well here’s the post everyone’s been waiting for. I’m going to start from the very beginning:

At 41 weeks, Jacob and I started doing everything, literally EVERYTHING, to induce my labor. From eating spicy food, going on bumpy rides every single day, walking until my feet felt like they would fall off (BTW I didn’t swell during my entire pregnancy because I drank plenty of water), doing the dirty, acupressure, massages, bananas, yoga, stripping my membranes (twice!), whatever you can think of, we did it, and NOTHING WORKED. So my conclusion on inducing labor based on my personal experience is that nothing can induce labor, your baby comes whenever he/she decides to come.

I was scheduled to be induced Monday morning, and as much as I was opting not to be induced, I was going to let them because one, it would be safer for the baby not to exceed 42 weeks in utero, and two I would be more than ready at that point for Natalia to be here. Fortunately my water finally broke the Friday afternoon prior to my induction date. At first I wasn’t sure if it broke or not, so I asked my mom what it felt like. She said it feels like you’re uncontrollably peeing on yourself. Soon after that, about 15 minutes, I was confirmed of my water breaking because liquid started pouring out, lol. I didn’t call the Doctor nor did I go to the hospital. I waited until I started having contractions 5-10 apart for an hour like my doctors instructed, which didn’t happen until 18 hours later. Bad idea for me to not go in right away because of the risk of infection, but how was I supposed to know? This is my first time having a baby, and BOTH of my GYN’s told me not to come in until I started having contractions. There was no mention of my water breaking. And since I’m totally healthy, I didn’t think there was any reason for me or my baby to develop an “infection”. According to what I researched, the vaginal exams are what cause infections in the first place, which makes complete sense to me.

So the next morning around 6am I started having mild contractions, then they increased in pain and decreased in time apart, so by 8 am Jacob and I were on our way to the hospital. When we got there the nurses asked me if my water broke & I told them yes it did, yesterday afternoon. They all looked at me like I was crazy and asked why I waited so long to come in. I told them that I didn’t feel the need to come in because everything seemed fine and that my Doctor told me not to come in until I was having contractions, so I was simply following instructions. Well, when they started my IV they told me they were going to start me on antibiotics. In shock I asked “for what?” And the nurse said “the GBS that you’re positive for”. I was in total disbelief and said “excuse me, but what in the world are you talking about?” She explained to me that I was positive for Group B Strep, (the test they give you when you’re 36 weeks) and that the baby has been swimming in infected amniotic fluid for the entire time since my water broke. GBS (Group B Strep) is a bacteria that is carried by both men and women, that does not affect adults but can be very harmful for unborn babies, which is why pregnant women ate tested for it at 36 weeks. Men will never know if they have it or not because they will never be tested for it since they obviously can’t get pregnant. Well when I took the test, nothing was ever mentioned about it after that, so I assumed I was negative. I would expect a Doctor to tell you the results of your tests, ESPECIALLY if you’re positive for it, don’t you?! So yeah, I was carrying this infection and had no idea about it. I was infuriated by this new found information because now my baby is at risk. If I would’ve known about this infection, I would’ve been at the hospital the day before when my water broke.

Anyways, once your water breaks you have 24 hours to get the baby out or it can become something serious. So I had 6 hours to deliver my daughter and I was only 2 cm dilated (and have been for two weeks!). They started me on pitocin right away. 2 hours later they checked my cervix to find that I was still only 2 cm dilated, so a c-section was the final decision. At first I wanted to cry because I felt cheated out of my wanting for a natural delivery since I was never informed about this infection that could be potentially fatal to my unborn daughter. I also was not so phsyched about having such a dramatic surgery, especially since I’ve never had surgery of any kind. I asked the nurses if they had c-sections and even asked if I could see their scars because I also wasn’t very excited about having such a large scar on my belly. One of the young nurses showed me not her scar because it was so low, but pulled her shirt up just to show me that the scar was below her panty line. I couldn’t even see it! And she was so skinny you wouldn’t even be able to tell that she had a baby, and she had 2! So that made me feel A LOT better about it. So on we went with the procedure.

They had me fill out all kinds of forms and explained to Jacob and I what would be happening. He had to change into scrubs so he could be there with me while the doctors carried me into the operation room so they could numb me from the waist down. They gave me a spinal anesthetic that literally took 5 seconds to kick in. I felt a rush of a numbing sensation that actually felt really good, lol! I felt very shaky though shortly afterwards which I didn’t like too much. Also, the shot they gave me was a MUCH smaller needle than that of the epidural, which I was very happy about because that was the very reason I had decided I wasn’t going to have an epidural if this would’ve happened naturally.

They cut me open and tugged, pushed and pulled (which I could feel a lot of although it didn’t hurt, it was just a lot of pressure) and then out came the baby, 7lbs. and 14oz. of her. About a minute later I heard her first cry and was in tears at the amazing sound that I had waited 9 long months to hear. Jacob cried with me and we were both very happy. However, because she was infected, they took her from us right away. I got to see her and kiss her cheek before she left and dad asked to see her hair because she was wearing a cap. When they took it off, we were amazed to see a head full of dark hair, just like I dreamed about!

So they took me to the recovery room while we waited to hear from the doctor’s what was going on with Natalia. Now there are a lot of details to what was happening between the surgery and the end, so I’m just going to make the long story short: The doctors were concerned about her breathing patterns. They ran blood tests and white blood cell tests which came back triple the amount of what was normal, meaning that her body was already building white blood cells to fight off whatever infection she had. They were also concerned about some “seizure-like episodes” that she was supposedly having which made the nurses decide to transfer her to Wolfson Children’s Hospital in Jacksonville because they were a small town hospital that did not have all the tools needed to run the tests they wanted her to have. They weren’t sure what she was doing because she’s a  newborn, hence their wanting to run tests just to make sure she was acting normal. I was completely devastated because the doctors made it seem like she was having all these problems, they even mentioned a possibility of meningitis. I cried so hard and asked “what are they going to do to my baby?!” Jacob tried his hardest to keep his composure because I was so upset about everything and then he broke down and started crying with me.

Natalia went through so much in the first days of her life in the outside world. She IV’s since she was born, she had all kinds of tests run on her, she had MRI’s she had her spine tapped, all kinds of bullshit. I know that they were just trying to be on the safe side, but what new mom wants to see her first baby go through all this trauma?! Anyways, in the end Natalia was completely fine. They ran all these tests just to find nothing wrong with her. She just had an infection and the antibiotics they started me on before the surgery killed it just in time. So we went through all this heartache for nothing. It was very crazy. We ended up being in the hospital for 5 days before finally bringing her home.I was in the hospital for 3 days recovering from the surgery. They transferred Natalia on my second day of recovery so I couldn’t even go to the hospital to be with my baby until the next day. Jacob had to drive from Lake City to Jacksonville, back to Lake City to pick me up, back to Jacksonville so we could be at the hospital every day and then finally back to Lake City so we could come home, and then he had to drive back so he could go home, lol! Lots and lots of driving.

At the end of the day, there were a lot of lessons learned from this entire experience. Although it was scary, it was very worth it and I am happy to say that I am a new mom to a very happy and healthy baby girl. According to her pediatrician she eats better than the average baby for her size and is growing at a great rate. She is such a good baby, hardly ever cries unless she needs something. She is always very content and has such a well-developed personality already. She’s definitely mommy and daddy’s little diva girl!

I also would like to mention that my perspective about c-sections have dramatically changed since I underwent the surgery. I actually prefer to have the c-section because I didn’t have to feel any pain WHATSOEVER, everything went by so quick it was unbelievable. The entire procedure took a total of 55 minutes. No contractions, no pain, GREAT pain meds during and afterwards lol, and my little girls head did not get squished and my vagina didn’t rip! The scar is barely noticeable, looks like a pen line just below my bikini line and nobody will ever be able to see it unless I show them, which means I can still wear my bikini this summer! Best of all, this entire event brought me and Jacob closer together and he loves me more now than ever before since having to be there with me and watching me go through all of this craziness. I definitely want to share my story because I think it’s well worth mentioning to people. Always prepare for the worst because you never know what’s going to happen, and always be optimistic about negative things that you have no control over because they are not always as bad as they seem.

Today my baby girl is 2 weeks and 3 days old and she is making the cutest “ooh” and “ahh” sounds, she picks her head up all by herself to look around because she wants to see everything, she will NOT fall asleep without being held, so she’s already spoiled, lol! (Thanks Jacob!)

One more thing I want to add before I conclude my super long birth story; because Natalia was taken from me right from the beginning, we didn’t get to experience the first bonding of mother and baby to establish breastfeeding, which is essential! And I am completely against giving my baby formula for several reasons. One because I’m pro-natural, two because I don’t feel that formula gives babies everything they need like breast milk does, three because of all the side effects that come from formula fed babies that I’ve researched, such as being more prone to obesity and becoming sick with diseases, and four because although the formula feeds the baby for longer periods of time (formula fed babies eat 6-10 times a day vs. breastfed babies eat 8-12 times a day) which means the formula “sits” in their stomachs and that just reminds me of McDonald’s food which is totally gross in my opinion. I already decided I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. Well since I didn’t get to breastfeed for the first week, I didn’t establish a good milk supply, so I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed my baby. Not only that but the doctors shoved bottles and pacifiers in my newborn baby’s mouth which pissed me the **** off! If they needed to syringe feed her then okay, but I was not about the pacifiers or bottles because of nipple confusion. So Natalia had a difficult time latching on for the first week and a half of our being together. It was making me sore and I was to the point where I was about to just give up all together. But then I decided “screw that!” I’m not going to give up because I WANT this for my baby, so I’m going to MAKE SURE it happens, no matter what it takes. If I have to breastfeed her every half hour then so be it. I consulted with a lactation specialist who was so inspired by my determination and told me that that’s what it takes, you have to really want to breastfeed for it to work out, which is what I truly want, exclusively. I only will use formula if I have to supplement, but otherwise I want to strictly breastfeed my baby mostly because it’s the healthiest for her, but also because it does establish a bonding relationship with you and your baby that just feels like pure love, and I want that with me and Natalia. So I have a $700 hospital grade breast pump that I’m using FOR FREE for a week-2 weeks just because my lactation specialist wants to help me because she sees how bad I want this. Unfortunately Natalia and I had a rough start, but now that things are back to normal we are going to work this out to both of our benefits. My advice to anybody else out there with this problem is to never give up on the things that you truly want. I am proud to say that Natalia has gotten MUCH better about latching on (although she still needs some improvement) and I am finally being able to produce enough milk to catch up with her needs. (:

Bringing Natalia Home <3

Bringing Natalia Home ❤

Natalia & I Now (:

Natalia & I Now (:

Ultimate Bucket List

Here are a few things that I am 100% SURE that I will accomplish within the next ten years of my life! (:

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Law Of Attraction – It Really Works!

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It makes me so happy to know that this Law of Attraction thing really works, although I kind of already knew this a long time ago based on my personal experience with writing things down and then them just  showing up in my life. I’ve thrown a few things in my Creative Wish Box since I’ve made it, but haven’t really looked into it that much lately.

A Look Inside My Creation Box!

A Look Inside My Creation Box!

A couple days ago I decided to take a look in it to remember everything I had put in there. To my surprise I realized that a couple of things I put in my box had already manifested and I didn’t even know it! One of the things that manifested was my make-up organizer. I wanted to start with something small and realistic before I try throwing a picture of a house in my box. I couldn’t find a picture that look like what I wanted, so I just wrote it down on a sticky note with a detailed description and a drawing of what I wanted it to look like. It’s just a simple glass container that is a specific shape and height with decorations to hold my make-up brushes. 2013-02-09_20-25-10_533 2013-02-09_20-26-19_752This was manifested without me even realizing that this was in my creative wish box. Now I’m going to sketch a drawing of a reorganization of my entire top dresser and throw that in the box. We will see how long it takes for this to happen in my life! Another thing that manifested was the very first thing I put in my box, which was a sticky note that had $100 on it. That manifested in about a month since I put it in there! The last thing that came into my reality was the perfect sparkling black flip flops that I imagined. All of the things I’m putting into my box are happening in real life and I’m super excited about it! There are some other things in my creation box that I don’t necessarily need right now, such as my car that I want, and I think the Universe knows that I don’t need it right now, but it is creating means for me to get what I want when I need it in the future. So my car, as well as other things, is out their manifesting just waiting on the right time for me to give it the attention I need to attract it into my life.

Not only do I have a real ‘physical’ creative wish box, but I also have an online one. It’s an organized list of all the things I want to get for me and Natalia. I use Microsoft Excel to organize my lists so it can calculate the cost of everything for me on its own. Lately I have been crossing off items left and right that have been on my wish list since I read about the law of attraction. These things are coming into my reality very quickly and it makes me so happy because I am totally confident that I will have every single thing I need before Natalia gets here and more. Not only are things for Natalia getting crossed off, but things for me as well. I am totally convinced that this Universal Law is very real and it works when you let it. I am reading more about this kind of stuff in my Vortex book. This book is more about relationships, but it’s the same concept, using the LOA. Soon I will get so good at attracting things maybe I will attract a million dollar lottery ticket, lol! No, I’m just kidding, all-though that would be nice. ;P

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TV Commercial That Made Me Wonder…

polls_stop_watching_4123_831161_answer_3_xlargeI rarely ever watch T.V. and when I do, I usually just watch Family Guy at night before I go to bed for their mass reality sarcasm, and I usually end up falling asleep before the show is over anyway. Well, last night I saw a direct TV commercial that advertised a satellite box that records up to 2,000 hours of television shows. Yep, that’s right: 2,000, 2-0-0-0, two-thousand hours. So I thought to myself, wow that’s a whole freakin’ lot of television! And then I did the math in my head: If a person watches one hour of T.V. a day (which I can’t imagine anybody watching more than that unless they have no life), every single day, that’s 365 hours of T.V. in one year. So that would mean that this satellite box can record about 2 and a half years’ worth of television shows. I’m sorry but this really baffles me. How could someone seriously watch THAT much T.V.?! It’s ridiculous if you ask me! I don’t even watch T.V. every day because I don’t think there is anything interesting on there anyway. Every show is the same, just different people and different stories; some kind of drama going on and people commenting on it. Even the news is like that, and just about every single thing on T.V. is fake anyways! No wonder people have become so lazy. More than half of the American population spend more time watching T.V. then they do spending time outside. According to statisticbrain.com, the average person spend 5 hours and 11 minutes watching television a day. Studies show that violence, drugs and other issues are associated with the daily viewing of television. television-brainwashing-advertisingNo wonder, look at all the T.V. shows, the way they act, the things they say, and the commercials they show every 15 minutes that advertise all kinds of unnecessary crap used to persuade us into spending our hard earned money. The contradictory advertisements of the promotion of selling cigarettes and then the commercials that talk about how bad they are for you. The fact that illicit drugs are illegal, yet they come up with products that promote the illicit illegal drugs (i.e. Cocaine, the newest energy drink). The commercials that advertise all these medical products that are sold to “fix” a problem (that could otherwise be healed naturally if you bothered to research it) and all the terrible side effects that come along with them that nobody pays attention to. What do you think your children are watching? Have you seen any of the children’s shows that you let them watch lately? Look at what the media is teaching your children, how to act, how to talk, how to treat their parents and other children around them. It just seems to be getting worse and worse about teaching our kids how to behave in society. Daily television watching relates to countless health problems including obesity. Then they advertise all the super model celebrities with “dream bodies” (which ARE photo-shopped) to make you feel that much worse about yourself for sitting there watching that shit in the first place!

TV-BrainwashingI personally think that there is WAY more to life than staring at a screen being brainwashed and programmed by nonsense. Because that’s what T.V. does, it programs you to think that the way those people act are how people act in real life, and then people in real life start acting like the people they see on T.V. Remember that Scooby Doo movie with the actual real people, where they discovered the lab that had “programs” on T.V. that taught people how to act? That’s a subliminal message and it is EXACTLY what happens in our society these days. People are so consumed by what they see on T.V. that they don’t even realize how programmed they really are. Like the guy in this youtube video says, “You think like a tube, you act like a tube, you eat like a tube, you teach your children how to be a tube, you are a tube!” (Referring to T.V.) You ever see those people who seem to be hypnotized by T.V.? They watch it all day every single day like it’s air to breath? Crazy right?! Sadly, there really are people out there who live like that. They are completely brainwashed by the box. I found this guy’s article on the internet and he explains the mass media television brainwashing topic better than anyone I’ve read about so far. Here’s an excerpt that might inspire you to read his article:

If the angle is right, you might catch your own reflection in the screen. Jaw slightly open, lips relaxed into a smile. The blank stare of a television zombie. This is {soft} brainwashing, even more effective because its victims go about their lives unaware of what is being done to them. Television, with its reach into nearly every American home, creates the basis for the mass brainwashing of citizens, like you.

wash_deesHere is another excerpt from another related article about another guy’s personal thoughts on T.V. that I found quite intriguing:

Television is not real.
Nothing we see on the television is based on or presented to us in a realistic setting. Sure, they try really hard to convince us that it’s real, but what is reality? Reality is what we make of it. Reality is the color of the walls in your bedroom; reality is the itch on your back that you just can’t reach; reality, to me, is the notion that marriage is over rated; reality is the fact that I’m not worried about my daughter getting stung by a bee or falling down the stairs, because those things are going to happen; Reality is the fact that I’m actually afraid of when she goes to kindergarten and has to pass her Hello Kitty backpack through a fucking metal detector.

media-brainwashingSo do yourselves a favor and stop watching so much T.V. It does NOTHING for you, in fact it makes you stupid, unaware, lazy, as well as a bunch of other bad things. Go outside in the fresh air and take control of your own mind instead of allowing it to be influenced by a bunch of bullshit. Get creative, learn about things you’ve never known about, pay attention to your surroundings that you probably never even notice, enjoy life and live it outside of the box (T.V.) spend time with your family, friends, children and pets. There’s a lot more out there, more than you can imagine, if you would just turn that damn T.V. off.

Related Articles:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/americans-spend-34-hours-week-watching-tv-nielsen-numbers-article-1.1162285

http://www.statisticbrain.com/television-watching-statistics/

http://www.csun.edu/science/health/docs/tv&health.html

http://rense.com/general63/traid.htm

http://www.salon.com/2012/10/30/does_tv_actually_brainwash_americans/

http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/poemsessays/brainwashedjerseymike.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_16656_6-brainwashing-techniques-theyre-using-you-right-now.html

Single Mom-To-Be & Loving It. (:

singleparentI’ve decided to share my thoughts about how I feel being a single mom-to-be. I guess I will save the best for last and start with the bad. The truth is, there is no bad side of this, for me anyways. The only thing that I think is sad about my situation is that unfortunately, my daughter will grow up without a father. Although most people would probably call me selfish not to have the father in the baby’s life, I beg to differ. I actually think it is very unselfish of me. As a matter of fact, it would be selfish of me to stay with the father, just so my daughter could say she grew up with both of her parents. Having both of the parents in the household is the best for any child, of course who would argue with that? However, if the parents are unhappy, hardly get along and argue about everything, what good can that be for the child? Would it be fair for the child to grow up around unhappy parents who fight all the time? I don’t think so.

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In my case, I have MORE than enough reasons not to be with the father and to raise my daughter by myself. A violent and drug-affiliated criminal background, a financially irresponsible person that has countless debts and an impulsive person who does not think before they speak or act around a child, let alone their own, that they already have with another woman, is not the ideal fatherly role model that I want to have around my daughter, that’s for sure. Now those are a few of the many without a doubt, true to the fact FACTS about _____ , as far as my opinion about him goes? I will leave those comments to myself as I do not want to bash my baby’s daddy on the public internet.

I can honestly and 100% truthfully say that I am enjoying (so far) playing the role of mommy and daddy. It gives me a strong sense of independence and the feeling that I can do anything and everything. I can spend all the time in the world doing whatever it is that I want without worrying about the approval or the acceptance of anybody else. Now that I don’t have a man around to distract me, I can finally get to know myself better and figure all things out in my life without the input or influence of anybody else. I can spend ALL my time on me and my daughter. I am the ultimate chooser of what her name will be, how/where she will attend school, how she will be brought up, her morals, etc. I love the idea of not having to share any of those responsibilities. Now of course, if the father wants to be a part of the child’s life, or vice versa, I will not/never prevent that. I think it would be wonderful for my daughter to have a “healthy” relationship with her father, know who he is and spend time with him. But from the looks of it, based on the no help received or interest about what goes on with the child, it doesn’t seem like I will have to worry about that part for now, until she grows older and starts to ask about her daddy. At that point, I will have more knowledge, circumstances will be different (hopefully so will he) and will be able to handle that situation accordingly. I do not plan on going after him for child support unless I’m completely poor and have zero money. If you knew him, you would know why! I don’t have any worries about not being capable of taking care of my daughter. I know in my heart that I will have everything I need to support my baby without daddy’s help. He has not helped since we found out I was pregnant anyways. Besides, he is such a difficult person to deal with, that it would give me headache, heartache, and stress to even have to communicate with him, especially if it deals with money. So it’s actually in my best emotional interest to just stay away completely! I will always have the option of making his life more difficult by coming after him for money, but I’m just not that type of person. I will not need to make his life difficult anymore than it already is because he does that on his own.

1351030360504_6986131Now this is just my own personal story about why I am a single parent-to-be. As far as anybody else, my best advice to them would be to do whatever it is that makes them happy, NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION IS. If it makes you happy being with the father, then be with him. If it would make you happy to be without the father, then be without him. If you are not sure, you just know that in your present situation, you are not happy, change the situation to make yourself happy. When you are happy, your baby is happy, point blank. When you are unhappy, your child will be unhappy. But of course right? Your baby looks up to you and learns everything from you. You are setting the example for them. What good are you doing for them if you are not doing good for yourself?! That’s what I have finally learned and come to realize when people say “love yourself first,”, “always make sure you love yourself or you cannot love others,” “make your well-being your number one priority”. Now I know what all these wise quotes mean; and I’m so happy about it! I have complete confidence that I will have a wonderful rest of my pregnancy (as I have been since I left _____ ), that I will have an easy, fast labor with no complications, and that I will bring into the world the most beautiful and happy baby girl, and she will always be that.

Mother silhouette with babyEven when I was having (the few) joyous “happy” moments with my baby’s father, I still have never been as happy with him as I am now without him. And I would have never known about how happy I could make myself if I had made the stupid decision to stay with somebody that I know (and have known) would NEVER work out. I take full responsibility for my decisions. I knew at the beginning that this relationship was not such a good idea (I had just gotten out of one, me and baby daddy already had a past, and he pressured me into it-first red flag!), I knew when we decided we were going to get married that that was not such a bright idea (Thank God for not letting that happen although we tried, twice), and I knew, as time passed since we tried to get married, that things were still not working and could assume that it never would, based on our arguments and the way we fought, but I was naïve to my heart, and I decided to stay with the m*f-er anyways, which then resulted in having a baby with him. So it is completely my fault for allowing all of this to happen to me because I made all of the decisions that contributed to the result.

I would not change a thing about what I have done, because this little life inside of me has given me the inspiration I needed to better myself, my life, and my decision making skills. I seriously have never in my life felt so positive and completely good about myself, and everything in my life follows. The feeling is AMAZING. I am so proud of myself! I finished school in 2 months and graduated with a 3.6 GPA (which I could have never done staying with _____ because he would never give me time to myself, especially when he was around). I’m preparing for college 3 months after Natalia is born (which would have never happened if I stayed with him-it probably would have started out that way, but it would then change to him complaining of working all the time and not me, which was happening already). I also developed wonderful financial organizing skills to make sure I have the means to accommodate Natalia before, when and after she gets here (which also would have never happened being with an irresponsible, no money-management having ass that shared all the money and money-decisions!) As you can see, I’ve learned (the hard way) that if things are like this now, they’re going to be like this then, and not only that but it will only get worse. Now this of course is not the same for everybody, it really depends on the person and their willingness to change. But my baby daddy is 6 years older than me and set in his ways, not to mention he is very closed-minded, so there is no changing anything about that.

imagesAnother thing that I have learned is that when you have the right attitude and are in the right positive state of mind, there is no need to worry, because the universe takes care of everything for you. Now this statement can be contradicting. How can the bills get paid if you’re not working? What I’m trying to say is, when you are doing everything that you are supposed to do and you are positive about it, things work out in your favor. They actually turn out better than you expected. And you also get things when you least expect it. I’ve noticed that most people (that I know of) are afraid of the unknown, thus living in this “fear” holds them back from doing whatever it is that they want to do. How am I going to make money? How am I going to put food on the table? What table?! How am I going to get a place for me and my children to live? And all the like. Don’t let fear control you! If you don’t know how things will turn out, then why assume things wouldn’t?! How do you know that things could actually turn out a heck of a lot better than the way things are right now? You have to just take a chance and trust that everything will be alright, and they will. I don’t care what your situation is or what the circumstances are, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. And if you have a child/children, they should be even more of a reason for you to do what’s right for you and your child/children. I have so many young friends who are mothers that willfully choose to be unhappy with their baby daddy’s and husbands, and I think it’s so sad. Why do that to yourself? You have no idea how it’s affecting your kids. They can still have the father in their lives if that’s what you’re worried about. You can still make it on your own as long as you want to. Don’t be so hopeless! Don’t give up on yourselves just because you made some mistakes. Make things right, if not for yourself, do it for your children. There are so many options out there, so much financial aid you can apply for, so many help centers that you can turn to that will help you to get on your feet. All it takes is for you to decide what you want, and then do what you need to do to make that happen, and the universe WILL help you, that’s just how it works.

l_101068735Anyways, I would have loved more than anything to have a baby with a father who would be to her what my father was to me (not necessarily, but you get the point). Unfortunately Fortunately, that will not be the case for Natalia. In the end, she will be much better off with her happy single mommy than she would be with her unhappy mommy and unhappy daddy together. And who knows?! Maybe some guy will come into the picture that will be everything to her that her daddy wasn’t/could never be. ;D

Now I DEFINITELY don’t want to have to worry about a relationship or men for a looooooong time after everything I’ve been through. I want to focus on figuring myself out, get into college, get a government job with benefits and job security so I can provide for my daughter in every way, and spend the rest of my time caring for her, spending time with her and watching her grow into the beautiful lady that she will become. I am so extremely happy about all of this. I’m patiently waiting for her arrival and feel myself getting more and more anxious to meet her every single day. ❤

Abraham Hicks Inspirational Daily Quotes

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When people ask us how long does it take for something to manifest, we say, “It takes as long as it takes you to release the resistance. Could be 30 years, could be 40 years, could be 50 years, could be a week. Could be tomorrow afternoon.”

— Abraham

This is an example of one of daily readings that I subscribed to via email. Abraham’s teachings have TRULY changed my entire life; my way of thinking, my way of feeling, my well-being, spirituality, and much more. The previous quote was the one I read yesterday morning. I chose to use this one because it really resonated with me. I have been learning about how the Law of Attraction works and that the very reason most people don’t receive the good things that they want to attract is because of their resistance. It’s a very meaningful concept, to understand the difference between wanting something and resisting it, and wanting something and letting it flow into your experience. Each and every day I am practicing new ways to help me develop the habit of getting myself back into the resistant-free mode because not only will I finally be able to allow things that I want into my life, but because it makes me feel a whole lot better about everything when I am in that state of being. I recommend that you read more about through Abraham’s books, or even google some other people’s blogs and read what they have to say about it because I have not mastered the art of being able to explain things to people in a way that they can understand fully what I am trying to say, in my opinion at least. If you would like to receive these daily uplifting messages, here is the link to the website where you can subscribe to them, or you can just visit the website every day because they post one on their home page daily. So check it out; you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! (: