My Labor Experience

Well here’s the post everyone’s been waiting for. I’m going to start from the very beginning:

At 41 weeks, Jacob and I started doing everything, literally EVERYTHING, to induce my labor. From eating spicy food, going on bumpy rides every single day, walking until my feet felt like they would fall off (BTW I didn’t swell during my entire pregnancy because I drank plenty of water), doing the dirty, acupressure, massages, bananas, yoga, stripping my membranes (twice!), whatever you can think of, we did it, and NOTHING WORKED. So my conclusion on inducing labor based on my personal experience is that nothing can induce labor, your baby comes whenever he/she decides to come.

I was scheduled to be induced Monday morning, and as much as I was opting not to be induced, I was going to let them because one, it would be safer for the baby not to exceed 42 weeks in utero, and two I would be more than ready at that point for Natalia to be here. Fortunately my water finally broke the Friday afternoon prior to my induction date. At first I wasn’t sure if it broke or not, so I asked my mom what it felt like. She said it feels like you’re uncontrollably peeing on yourself. Soon after that, about 15 minutes, I was confirmed of my water breaking because liquid started pouring out, lol. I didn’t call the Doctor nor did I go to the hospital. I waited until I started having contractions 5-10 apart for an hour like my doctors instructed, which didn’t happen until 18 hours later. Bad idea for me to not go in right away because of the risk of infection, but how was I supposed to know? This is my first time having a baby, and BOTH of my GYN’s told me not to come in until I started having contractions. There was no mention of my water breaking. And since I’m totally healthy, I didn’t think there was any reason for me or my baby to develop an “infection”. According to what I researched, the vaginal exams are what cause infections in the first place, which makes complete sense to me.

So the next morning around 6am I started having mild contractions, then they increased in pain and decreased in time apart, so by 8 am Jacob and I were on our way to the hospital. When we got there the nurses asked me if my water broke & I told them yes it did, yesterday afternoon. They all looked at me like I was crazy and asked why I waited so long to come in. I told them that I didn’t feel the need to come in because everything seemed fine and that my Doctor told me not to come in until I was having contractions, so I was simply following instructions. Well, when they started my IV they told me they were going to start me on antibiotics. In shock I asked “for what?” And the nurse said “the GBS that you’re positive for”. I was in total disbelief and said “excuse me, but what in the world are you talking about?” She explained to me that I was positive for Group B Strep, (the test they give you when you’re 36 weeks) and that the baby has been swimming in infected amniotic fluid for the entire time since my water broke. GBS (Group B Strep) is a bacteria that is carried by both men and women, that does not affect adults but can be very harmful for unborn babies, which is why pregnant women ate tested for it at 36 weeks. Men will never know if they have it or not because they will never be tested for it since they obviously can’t get pregnant. Well when I took the test, nothing was ever mentioned about it after that, so I assumed I was negative. I would expect a Doctor to tell you the results of your tests, ESPECIALLY if you’re positive for it, don’t you?! So yeah, I was carrying this infection and had no idea about it. I was infuriated by this new found information because now my baby is at risk. If I would’ve known about this infection, I would’ve been at the hospital the day before when my water broke.

Anyways, once your water breaks you have 24 hours to get the baby out or it can become something serious. So I had 6 hours to deliver my daughter and I was only 2 cm dilated (and have been for two weeks!). They started me on pitocin right away. 2 hours later they checked my cervix to find that I was still only 2 cm dilated, so a c-section was the final decision. At first I wanted to cry because I felt cheated out of my wanting for a natural delivery since I was never informed about this infection that could be potentially fatal to my unborn daughter. I also was not so phsyched about having such a dramatic surgery, especially since I’ve never had surgery of any kind. I asked the nurses if they had c-sections and even asked if I could see their scars because I also wasn’t very excited about having such a large scar on my belly. One of the young nurses showed me not her scar because it was so low, but pulled her shirt up just to show me that the scar was below her panty line. I couldn’t even see it! And she was so skinny you wouldn’t even be able to tell that she had a baby, and she had 2! So that made me feel A LOT better about it. So on we went with the procedure.

They had me fill out all kinds of forms and explained to Jacob and I what would be happening. He had to change into scrubs so he could be there with me while the doctors carried me into the operation room so they could numb me from the waist down. They gave me a spinal anesthetic that literally took 5 seconds to kick in. I felt a rush of a numbing sensation that actually felt really good, lol! I felt very shaky though shortly afterwards which I didn’t like too much. Also, the shot they gave me was a MUCH smaller needle than that of the epidural, which I was very happy about because that was the very reason I had decided I wasn’t going to have an epidural if this would’ve happened naturally.

They cut me open and tugged, pushed and pulled (which I could feel a lot of although it didn’t hurt, it was just a lot of pressure) and then out came the baby, 7lbs. and 14oz. of her. About a minute later I heard her first cry and was in tears at the amazing sound that I had waited 9 long months to hear. Jacob cried with me and we were both very happy. However, because she was infected, they took her from us right away. I got to see her and kiss her cheek before she left and dad asked to see her hair because she was wearing a cap. When they took it off, we were amazed to see a head full of dark hair, just like I dreamed about!

So they took me to the recovery room while we waited to hear from the doctor’s what was going on with Natalia. Now there are a lot of details to what was happening between the surgery and the end, so I’m just going to make the long story short: The doctors were concerned about her breathing patterns. They ran blood tests and white blood cell tests which came back triple the amount of what was normal, meaning that her body was already building white blood cells to fight off whatever infection she had. They were also concerned about some “seizure-like episodes” that she was supposedly having which made the nurses decide to transfer her to Wolfson Children’s Hospital in Jacksonville because they were a small town hospital that did not have all the tools needed to run the tests they wanted her to have. They weren’t sure what she was doing because she’s a  newborn, hence their wanting to run tests just to make sure she was acting normal. I was completely devastated because the doctors made it seem like she was having all these problems, they even mentioned a possibility of meningitis. I cried so hard and asked “what are they going to do to my baby?!” Jacob tried his hardest to keep his composure because I was so upset about everything and then he broke down and started crying with me.

Natalia went through so much in the first days of her life in the outside world. She IV’s since she was born, she had all kinds of tests run on her, she had MRI’s she had her spine tapped, all kinds of bullshit. I know that they were just trying to be on the safe side, but what new mom wants to see her first baby go through all this trauma?! Anyways, in the end Natalia was completely fine. They ran all these tests just to find nothing wrong with her. She just had an infection and the antibiotics they started me on before the surgery killed it just in time. So we went through all this heartache for nothing. It was very crazy. We ended up being in the hospital for 5 days before finally bringing her home.I was in the hospital for 3 days recovering from the surgery. They transferred Natalia on my second day of recovery so I couldn’t even go to the hospital to be with my baby until the next day. Jacob had to drive from Lake City to Jacksonville, back to Lake City to pick me up, back to Jacksonville so we could be at the hospital every day and then finally back to Lake City so we could come home, and then he had to drive back so he could go home, lol! Lots and lots of driving.

At the end of the day, there were a lot of lessons learned from this entire experience. Although it was scary, it was very worth it and I am happy to say that I am a new mom to a very happy and healthy baby girl. According to her pediatrician she eats better than the average baby for her size and is growing at a great rate. She is such a good baby, hardly ever cries unless she needs something. She is always very content and has such a well-developed personality already. She’s definitely mommy and daddy’s little diva girl!

I also would like to mention that my perspective about c-sections have dramatically changed since I underwent the surgery. I actually prefer to have the c-section because I didn’t have to feel any pain WHATSOEVER, everything went by so quick it was unbelievable. The entire procedure took a total of 55 minutes. No contractions, no pain, GREAT pain meds during and afterwards lol, and my little girls head did not get squished and my vagina didn’t rip! The scar is barely noticeable, looks like a pen line just below my bikini line and nobody will ever be able to see it unless I show them, which means I can still wear my bikini this summer! Best of all, this entire event brought me and Jacob closer together and he loves me more now than ever before since having to be there with me and watching me go through all of this craziness. I definitely want to share my story because I think it’s well worth mentioning to people. Always prepare for the worst because you never know what’s going to happen, and always be optimistic about negative things that you have no control over because they are not always as bad as they seem.

Today my baby girl is 2 weeks and 3 days old and she is making the cutest “ooh” and “ahh” sounds, she picks her head up all by herself to look around because she wants to see everything, she will NOT fall asleep without being held, so she’s already spoiled, lol! (Thanks Jacob!)

One more thing I want to add before I conclude my super long birth story; because Natalia was taken from me right from the beginning, we didn’t get to experience the first bonding of mother and baby to establish breastfeeding, which is essential! And I am completely against giving my baby formula for several reasons. One because I’m pro-natural, two because I don’t feel that formula gives babies everything they need like breast milk does, three because of all the side effects that come from formula fed babies that I’ve researched, such as being more prone to obesity and becoming sick with diseases, and four because although the formula feeds the baby for longer periods of time (formula fed babies eat 6-10 times a day vs. breastfed babies eat 8-12 times a day) which means the formula “sits” in their stomachs and that just reminds me of McDonald’s food which is totally gross in my opinion. I already decided I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. Well since I didn’t get to breastfeed for the first week, I didn’t establish a good milk supply, so I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed my baby. Not only that but the doctors shoved bottles and pacifiers in my newborn baby’s mouth which pissed me the **** off! If they needed to syringe feed her then okay, but I was not about the pacifiers or bottles because of nipple confusion. So Natalia had a difficult time latching on for the first week and a half of our being together. It was making me sore and I was to the point where I was about to just give up all together. But then I decided “screw that!” I’m not going to give up because I WANT this for my baby, so I’m going to MAKE SURE it happens, no matter what it takes. If I have to breastfeed her every half hour then so be it. I consulted with a lactation specialist who was so inspired by my determination and told me that that’s what it takes, you have to really want to breastfeed for it to work out, which is what I truly want, exclusively. I only will use formula if I have to supplement, but otherwise I want to strictly breastfeed my baby mostly because it’s the healthiest for her, but also because it does establish a bonding relationship with you and your baby that just feels like pure love, and I want that with me and Natalia. So I have a $700 hospital grade breast pump that I’m using FOR FREE for a week-2 weeks just because my lactation specialist wants to help me because she sees how bad I want this. Unfortunately Natalia and I had a rough start, but now that things are back to normal we are going to work this out to both of our benefits. My advice to anybody else out there with this problem is to never give up on the things that you truly want. I am proud to say that Natalia has gotten MUCH better about latching on (although she still needs some improvement) and I am finally being able to produce enough milk to catch up with her needs. (:

Bringing Natalia Home ❤

Natalia & I Now (:

Pregnancy Post #15 – 34 Weeks

34 Weeks & 1 Day Pregnant

34 Weeks 4 days pregnant today and counting! It is incredibly hard to believe that I am less than 6 weeks away from delivering the most beautiful little girl. I am so ecstatic and cannot wait until my little Natalia gets here. Wow, she’s got her momma so anxious to meet her! Every time, I feel her, think about her, talk about her, or see anything baby and girly, a huge smile forces itself across my face. She makes me so happy and she’s not even here yet. I didn’t know it was possible to love somebody so much. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my mother with every inch of heart, but it’s just not the same kind of love that you have for your own child. Now I know how much my mom loves me. (:

Of course, one of my BIGGEST flaws kicked in: my procrastination. I was supposed to be done with painting Natalia’s dresser by now, but a couple of road bumps delayed me. First, I didn’t have everything I thought I needed. Then I realized I bought too much paint, so I had to return it and buy a smaller (more affordable) amount. Then I lost the brushes I bought, so by the time I found those I really didn’t even feel like painting anymore. But then, I finally was able to get everything I needed together: primer, paint, tape, trays, brushes, sandpaper, and shower curtain liners to catch the mess.

As you can see, the dresser is disgusting.

I’ve already taken the dresser apart, sanded it down, primed it, and painted one coat. Tomorrow I’m going to finish it with a second coat and then when it drys, prepare the room for the walls to be painted. Since I don’t have a man around to help, I’m all on my own, which is also why it’s taking me so long to do a less than 24 hour job. But hey? I’m pregnant! So it’s totally fine that I’m taking my sweet time to do this. I don’t feel guilty one little bit. I’m totally capable of moving the things that are in the room around without straining myself or lifting anything heavy. When I get ready to paint the walls I have to move everything to one side of the room, paint half of it, let it dry, and then move everything to the other side so I can paint the other half. This will probably take me an entire week to finish! I also plan on ordering some cute zebra handles and knobs that I saw on Amazon to replace the old ugly, rusted gold ones that I will hate to have to put those back on. Then I will finally start putting her crib and changing table together and organize the room to make it look like the perfect nursery for my princess.

2 outfits for 2 bucks @JCP! 😀

I’ve been doing quite a lot of shopping lately, but allllllll baby stuff, so it’s not guilty shopping, it’s productive shopping. That’s my positive way of looking at spending money. I got a bunch of bottles, cloth diapers, clothes, and some hygiene items; plus the paint for her room and dresser. I don’t know a whole lot, but I know one thing is for sure: Natalia will never lack anything. I will always make sure I make provisions to be able to provide for my daughter. She will always have everything she needs and be able to depend on me as a mother until she is old enough to care for herself. I am very fortunate to be able to provide for her on my own. But of course, I’m not completely on my own. Fortunately I have a mother who is very supportive of me and my pregnancy, and we help each other. She’s my best friend. My only hope is that my daughter and I will have the same kind of relationship with each other that my mother and I have. ❤

Primed Dresser.

Dresser drawers in the hallway out of MY way. (:

I don’t see my doctor again until next week. After that I will start having weekly appointments, so there will be a medical update on every post from then on. So far, everything looks, sounds and feels perfect. Well maybe not that last one. At my next appointment, I’m going to have the doctor recommend me a good pediatrician for Natalia. In the last week I was experiencing this somewhat painful pressure in my abdomen. It was right under my right breast in my rib cage it felt like, and sometimes when I would cough it hurt real bad, or when I would breathe in too deeply, I could feel a lot of pressure there. I was getting concerned about it because it wouldn’t let up and considered coming into the doctor’s office without an appointment because it was hurting so bad. But before I freaked out, I researched it online just to see if it might be something completely normal and sure enough: it is. Turns out that the pain I was experiencing had to do with the baby and the growing uterus putting pressure on my rib cage and other ligaments, thus causing this on and off pain. Actually, I read several different articles about this from girls who are pregnant at 18 weeks, 20 weeks, & 25 weeks. So then I thought, well, I’m already 34 weeks and JUST now starting to feel this pain? I must be one of the lucky ones! And after that the pain subsided. Then it went away, and I haven’t felt anything like it ever since. I’m so glad that I think before freaking out and actually take the time to figure out my own problems without running to every which person for an answer or solution.

A couple of Natalia’s things I bought this week ❤

If you’re considering buying maternity jeans, I recommend that you save your money unless you buy them used. To me, they were pretty much a waste of my money. I bought a pair of the cutest maternity jeans online at Amazon for $30. Sadly, I won’t be able to wear them past my 8th month. Shoot, I can barely squeeze into those things now! They are very stylish, but when I sit down, the seam connecting the jean part to the fabric part just cuts into my skin and is SOOOOOO uncomfortable. The funny thing is, I had a pair of skinny jeans that were so stretchy around the waist line that they fit perfectly as my maternity jeans! It’s weird that I had them because when I would wear them before I got pregnant, I constantly had to pull them back up on me because the waist was so stretchy that they just would not stay up. But I’m glad I kept them because they ended up serving me a great purpose during my entire pregnancy, and I still plan on wearing them afterwards! ;D

1/2 way

1st coat done!

As for Natalia, she is growing more and more each day. I feel like there’s a little sumo wrestler inside of me because sometimes she kicks me so hard, I jerk and jump and make noises thinking “somebody’s beating me up in there!” I get a kick out of it. Her soft little kicks have now turned into some hardcore karate chops (it feels like) and I can’t wait for my next appointment when they do the last ultrasound because then I will get to see exactly which of her body parts keeps pushing me on my right side, lol! The most interesting thing about her is how clever she is already to be just in utero. She is very responsive to things outside of the womb. For instance, the other day, my mom’s boyfriend dropped a pan on the floor and the noise was so loud it scared the baby and made her kick me really hard. So she obviously doesn’t like loud noises, thank goodness for that!

As it gets closer and closer to my due date, the reality of transitioning from a young lady to a young mother is becomes more and more real to me, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Lord knows I’m ready to hold this precious baby girl in my arms already! I am going to try my best to remain patient because I don’t want to rush time since it has gone by so fast. I want to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy one day at a time. ❤

^ 35 Weeks & 4 Days Pregnant Photos From This Afternoon. (:

Single Mom-To-Be & Loving It. (:

I’ve decided to share my thoughts about how I feel being a single mom-to-be. I guess I will save the best for last and start with the bad. The truth is, there is no bad side of this, for me anyways. The only thing that I think is sad about my situation is that unfortunately, my daughter will grow up without a father. Although most people would probably call me selfish not to have the father in the baby’s life, I beg to differ. I actually think it is very unselfish of me. As a matter of fact, it would be selfish of me to stay with the father, just so my daughter could say she grew up with both of her parents. Having both of the parents in the household is the best for any child, of course who would argue with that? However, if the parents are unhappy, hardly get along and argue about everything, what good can that be for the child? Would it be fair for the child to grow up around unhappy parents who fight all the time? I don’t think so.

In my case, I have MORE than enough reasons not to be with the father and to raise my daughter by myself. A violent and drug-affiliated criminal background, a financially irresponsible person that has countless debts and an impulsive person who does not think before they speak or act around a child, let alone their own, that they already have with another woman, is not the ideal fatherly role model that I want to have around my daughter, that’s for sure. Now those are a few of the many without a doubt, true to the fact FACTS about _____ , as far as my opinion about him goes? I will leave those comments to myself as I do not want to bash my baby’s daddy on the public internet.

I can honestly and 100% truthfully say that I am enjoying (so far) playing the role of mommy and daddy. It gives me a strong sense of independence and the feeling that I can do anything and everything. I can spend all the time in the world doing whatever it is that I want without worrying about the approval or the acceptance of anybody else. Now that I don’t have a man around to distract me, I can finally get to know myself better and figure all things out in my life without the input or influence of anybody else. I can spend ALL my time on me and my daughter. I am the ultimate chooser of what her name will be, how/where she will attend school, how she will be brought up, her morals, etc. I love the idea of not having to share any of those responsibilities. Now of course, if the father wants to be a part of the child’s life, or vice versa, I will not/never prevent that. I think it would be wonderful for my daughter to have a “healthy” relationship with her father, know who he is and spend time with him. But from the looks of it, based on the no help received or interest about what goes on with the child, it doesn’t seem like I will have to worry about that part for now, until she grows older and starts to ask about her daddy. At that point, I will have more knowledge, circumstances will be different (hopefully so will he) and will be able to handle that situation accordingly. I do not plan on going after him for child support unless I’m completely poor and have zero money. If you knew him, you would know why! I don’t have any worries about not being capable of taking care of my daughter. I know in my heart that I will have everything I need to support my baby without daddy’s help. He has not helped since we found out I was pregnant anyways. Besides, he is such a difficult person to deal with, that it would give me headache, heartache, and stress to even have to communicate with him, especially if it deals with money. So it’s actually in my best emotional interest to just stay away completely! I will always have the option of making his life more difficult by coming after him for money, but I’m just not that type of person. I will not need to make his life difficult anymore than it already is because he does that on his own.

Now this is just my own personal story about why I am a single parent-to-be. As far as anybody else, my best advice to them would be to do whatever it is that makes them happy, NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION IS. If it makes you happy being with the father, then be with him. If it would make you happy to be without the father, then be without him. If you are not sure, you just know that in your present situation, you are not happy, change the situation to make yourself happy. When you are happy, your baby is happy, point blank. When you are unhappy, your child will be unhappy. But of course right? Your baby looks up to you and learns everything from you. You are setting the example for them. What good are you doing for them if you are not doing good for yourself?! That’s what I have finally learned and come to realize when people say “love yourself first,”, “always make sure you love yourself or you cannot love others,” “make your well-being your number one priority”. Now I know what all these wise quotes mean; and I’m so happy about it! I have complete confidence that I will have a wonderful rest of my pregnancy (as I have been since I left _____ ), that I will have an easy, fast labor with no complications, and that I will bring into the world the most beautiful and happy baby girl, and she will always be that.

Even when I was having (the few) joyous “happy” moments with my baby’s father, I still have never been as happy with him as I am now without him. And I would have never known about how happy I could make myself if I had made the stupid decision to stay with somebody that I know (and have known) would NEVER work out. I take full responsibility for my decisions. I knew at the beginning that this relationship was not such a good idea (I had just gotten out of one, me and baby daddy already had a past, and he pressured me into it-first red flag!), I knew when we decided we were going to get married that that was not such a bright idea (Thank God for not letting that happen although we tried, twice), and I knew, as time passed since we tried to get married, that things were still not working and could assume that it never would, based on our arguments and the way we fought, but I was naïve to my heart, and I decided to stay with the m*f-er anyways, which then resulted in having a baby with him. So it is completely my fault for allowing all of this to happen to me because I made all of the decisions that contributed to the result.

I would not change a thing about what I have done, because this little life inside of me has given me the inspiration I needed to better myself, my life, and my decision making skills. I seriously have never in my life felt so positive and completely good about myself, and everything in my life follows. The feeling is AMAZING. I am so proud of myself! I finished school in 2 months and graduated with a 3.6 GPA (which I could have never done staying with _____ because he would never give me time to myself, especially when he was around). I’m preparing for college 3 months after Natalia is born (which would have never happened if I stayed with him-it probably would have started out that way, but it would then change to him complaining of working all the time and not me, which was happening already). I also developed wonderful financial organizing skills to make sure I have the means to accommodate Natalia before, when and after she gets here (which also would have never happened being with an irresponsible, no money-management having ass that shared all the money and money-decisions!) As you can see, I’ve learned (the hard way) that if things are like this now, they’re going to be like this then, and not only that but it will only get worse. Now this of course is not the same for everybody, it really depends on the person and their willingness to change. But my baby daddy is 6 years older than me and set in his ways, not to mention he is very closed-minded, so there is no changing anything about that.

Another thing that I have learned is that when you have the right attitude and are in the right positive state of mind, there is no need to worry, because the universe takes care of everything for you. Now this statement can be contradicting. How can the bills get paid if you’re not working? What I’m trying to say is, when you are doing everything that you are supposed to do and you are positive about it, things work out in your favor. They actually turn out better than you expected. And you also get things when you least expect it. I’ve noticed that most people (that I know of) are afraid of the unknown, thus living in this “fear” holds them back from doing whatever it is that they want to do. How am I going to make money? How am I going to put food on the table? What table?! How am I going to get a place for me and my children to live? And all the like. Don’t let fear control you! If you don’t know how things will turn out, then why assume things wouldn’t?! How do you know that things could actually turn out a heck of a lot better than the way things are right now? You have to just take a chance and trust that everything will be alright, and they will. I don’t care what your situation is or what the circumstances are, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. And if you have a child/children, they should be even more of a reason for you to do what’s right for you and your child/children. I have so many young friends who are mothers that willfully choose to be unhappy with their baby daddy’s and husbands, and I think it’s so sad. Why do that to yourself? You have no idea how it’s affecting your kids. They can still have the father in their lives if that’s what you’re worried about. You can still make it on your own as long as you want to. Don’t be so hopeless! Don’t give up on yourselves just because you made some mistakes. Make things right, if not for yourself, do it for your children. There are so many options out there, so much financial aid you can apply for, so many help centers that you can turn to that will help you to get on your feet. All it takes is for you to decide what you want, and then do what you need to do to make that happen, and the universe WILL help you, that’s just how it works.

Anyways, I would have loved more than anything to have a baby with a father who would be to her what my father was to me (not necessarily, but you get the point). Unfortunately Fortunately, that will not be the case for Natalia. In the end, she will be much better off with her happy single mommy than she would be with her unhappy mommy and unhappy daddy together. And who knows?! Maybe some guy will come into the picture that will be everything to her that her daddy wasn’t/could never be. ;D

Now I DEFINITELY don’t want to have to worry about a relationship or men for a looooooong time after everything I’ve been through. I want to focus on figuring myself out, get into college, get a government job with benefits and job security so I can provide for my daughter in every way, and spend the rest of my time caring for her, spending time with her and watching her grow into the beautiful lady that she will become. I am so extremely happy about all of this. I’m patiently waiting for her arrival and feel myself getting more and more anxious to meet her every single day. ❤