My Labor Experience

Well here’s the post everyone’s been waiting for. I’m going to start from the very beginning:

At 41 weeks, Jacob and I started doing everything, literally EVERYTHING, to induce my labor. From eating spicy food, going on bumpy rides every single day, walking until my feet felt like they would fall off (BTW I didn’t swell during my entire pregnancy because I drank plenty of water), doing the dirty, acupressure, massages, bananas, yoga, stripping my membranes (twice!), whatever you can think of, we did it, and NOTHING WORKED. So my conclusion on inducing labor based on my personal experience is that nothing can induce labor, your baby comes whenever he/she decides to come.

I was scheduled to be induced Monday morning, and as much as I was opting not to be induced, I was going to let them because one, it would be safer for the baby not to exceed 42 weeks in utero, and two I would be more than ready at that point for Natalia to be here. Fortunately my water finally broke the Friday afternoon prior to my induction date. At first I wasn’t sure if it broke or not, so I asked my mom what it felt like. She said it feels like you’re uncontrollably peeing on yourself. Soon after that, about 15 minutes, I was confirmed of my water breaking because liquid started pouring out, lol. I didn’t call the Doctor nor did I go to the hospital. I waited until I started having contractions 5-10 apart for an hour like my doctors instructed, which didn’t happen until 18 hours later. Bad idea for me to not go in right away because of the risk of infection, but how was I supposed to know? This is my first time having a baby, and BOTH of my GYN’s told me not to come in until I started having contractions. There was no mention of my water breaking. And since I’m totally healthy, I didn’t think there was any reason for me or my baby to develop an “infection”. According to what I researched, the vaginal exams are what cause infections in the first place, which makes complete sense to me.

So the next morning around 6am I started having mild contractions, then they increased in pain and decreased in time apart, so by 8 am Jacob and I were on our way to the hospital. When we got there the nurses asked me if my water broke & I told them yes it did, yesterday afternoon. They all looked at me like I was crazy and asked why I waited so long to come in. I told them that I didn’t feel the need to come in because everything seemed fine and that my Doctor told me not to come in until I was having contractions, so I was simply following instructions. Well, when they started my IV they told me they were going to start me on antibiotics. In shock I asked “for what?” And the nurse said “the GBS that you’re positive for”. I was in total disbelief and said “excuse me, but what in the world are you talking about?” She explained to me that I was positive for Group B Strep, (the test they give you when you’re 36 weeks) and that the baby has been swimming in infected amniotic fluid for the entire time since my water broke. GBS (Group B Strep) is a bacteria that is carried by both men and women, that does not affect adults but can be very harmful for unborn babies, which is why pregnant women ate tested for it at 36 weeks. Men will never know if they have it or not because they will never be tested for it since they obviously can’t get pregnant. Well when I took the test, nothing was ever mentioned about it after that, so I assumed I was negative. I would expect a Doctor to tell you the results of your tests, ESPECIALLY if you’re positive for it, don’t you?! So yeah, I was carrying this infection and had no idea about it. I was infuriated by this new found information because now my baby is at risk. If I would’ve known about this infection, I would’ve been at the hospital the day before when my water broke.

Anyways, once your water breaks you have 24 hours to get the baby out or it can become something serious. So I had 6 hours to deliver my daughter and I was only 2 cm dilated (and have been for two weeks!). They started me on pitocin right away. 2 hours later they checked my cervix to find that I was still only 2 cm dilated, so a c-section was the final decision. At first I wanted to cry because I felt cheated out of my wanting for a natural delivery since I was never informed about this infection that could be potentially fatal to my unborn daughter. I also was not so phsyched about having such a dramatic surgery, especially since I’ve never had surgery of any kind. I asked the nurses if they had c-sections and even asked if I could see their scars because I also wasn’t very excited about having such a large scar on my belly. One of the young nurses showed me not her scar because it was so low, but pulled her shirt up just to show me that the scar was below her panty line. I couldn’t even see it! And she was so skinny you wouldn’t even be able to tell that she had a baby, and she had 2! So that made me feel A LOT better about it. So on we went with the procedure.

They had me fill out all kinds of forms and explained to Jacob and I what would be happening. He had to change into scrubs so he could be there with me while the doctors carried me into the operation room so they could numb me from the waist down. They gave me a spinal anesthetic that literally took 5 seconds to kick in. I felt a rush of a numbing sensation that actually felt really good, lol! I felt very shaky though shortly afterwards which I didn’t like too much. Also, the shot they gave me was a MUCH smaller needle than that of the epidural, which I was very happy about because that was the very reason I had decided I wasn’t going to have an epidural if this would’ve happened naturally.

They cut me open and tugged, pushed and pulled (which I could feel a lot of although it didn’t hurt, it was just a lot of pressure) and then out came the baby, 7lbs. and 14oz. of her. About a minute later I heard her first cry and was in tears at the amazing sound that I had waited 9 long months to hear. Jacob cried with me and we were both very happy. However, because she was infected, they took her from us right away. I got to see her and kiss her cheek before she left and dad asked to see her hair because she was wearing a cap. When they took it off, we were amazed to see a head full of dark hair, just like I dreamed about!

So they took me to the recovery room while we waited to hear from the doctor’s what was going on with Natalia. Now there are a lot of details to what was happening between the surgery and the end, so I’m just going to make the long story short: The doctors were concerned about her breathing patterns. They ran blood tests and white blood cell tests which came back triple the amount of what was normal, meaning that her body was already building white blood cells to fight off whatever infection she had. They were also concerned about some “seizure-like episodes” that she was supposedly having which made the nurses decide to transfer her to Wolfson Children’s Hospital in Jacksonville because they were a small town hospital that did not have all the tools needed to run the tests they wanted her to have. They weren’t sure what she was doing because she’s a  newborn, hence their wanting to run tests just to make sure she was acting normal. I was completely devastated because the doctors made it seem like she was having all these problems, they even mentioned a possibility of meningitis. I cried so hard and asked “what are they going to do to my baby?!” Jacob tried his hardest to keep his composure because I was so upset about everything and then he broke down and started crying with me.

Natalia went through so much in the first days of her life in the outside world. She IV’s since she was born, she had all kinds of tests run on her, she had MRI’s she had her spine tapped, all kinds of bullshit. I know that they were just trying to be on the safe side, but what new mom wants to see her first baby go through all this trauma?! Anyways, in the end Natalia was completely fine. They ran all these tests just to find nothing wrong with her. She just had an infection and the antibiotics they started me on before the surgery killed it just in time. So we went through all this heartache for nothing. It was very crazy. We ended up being in the hospital for 5 days before finally bringing her home.I was in the hospital for 3 days recovering from the surgery. They transferred Natalia on my second day of recovery so I couldn’t even go to the hospital to be with my baby until the next day. Jacob had to drive from Lake City to Jacksonville, back to Lake City to pick me up, back to Jacksonville so we could be at the hospital every day and then finally back to Lake City so we could come home, and then he had to drive back so he could go home, lol! Lots and lots of driving.

At the end of the day, there were a lot of lessons learned from this entire experience. Although it was scary, it was very worth it and I am happy to say that I am a new mom to a very happy and healthy baby girl. According to her pediatrician she eats better than the average baby for her size and is growing at a great rate. She is such a good baby, hardly ever cries unless she needs something. She is always very content and has such a well-developed personality already. She’s definitely mommy and daddy’s little diva girl!

I also would like to mention that my perspective about c-sections have dramatically changed since I underwent the surgery. I actually prefer to have the c-section because I didn’t have to feel any pain WHATSOEVER, everything went by so quick it was unbelievable. The entire procedure took a total of 55 minutes. No contractions, no pain, GREAT pain meds during and afterwards lol, and my little girls head did not get squished and my vagina didn’t rip! The scar is barely noticeable, looks like a pen line just below my bikini line and nobody will ever be able to see it unless I show them, which means I can still wear my bikini this summer! Best of all, this entire event brought me and Jacob closer together and he loves me more now than ever before since having to be there with me and watching me go through all of this craziness. I definitely want to share my story because I think it’s well worth mentioning to people. Always prepare for the worst because you never know what’s going to happen, and always be optimistic about negative things that you have no control over because they are not always as bad as they seem.

Today my baby girl is 2 weeks and 3 days old and she is making the cutest “ooh” and “ahh” sounds, she picks her head up all by herself to look around because she wants to see everything, she will NOT fall asleep without being held, so she’s already spoiled, lol! (Thanks Jacob!)

One more thing I want to add before I conclude my super long birth story; because Natalia was taken from me right from the beginning, we didn’t get to experience the first bonding of mother and baby to establish breastfeeding, which is essential! And I am completely against giving my baby formula for several reasons. One because I’m pro-natural, two because I don’t feel that formula gives babies everything they need like breast milk does, three because of all the side effects that come from formula fed babies that I’ve researched, such as being more prone to obesity and becoming sick with diseases, and four because although the formula feeds the baby for longer periods of time (formula fed babies eat 6-10 times a day vs. breastfed babies eat 8-12 times a day) which means the formula “sits” in their stomachs and that just reminds me of McDonald’s food which is totally gross in my opinion. I already decided I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. Well since I didn’t get to breastfeed for the first week, I didn’t establish a good milk supply, so I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed my baby. Not only that but the doctors shoved bottles and pacifiers in my newborn baby’s mouth which pissed me the **** off! If they needed to syringe feed her then okay, but I was not about the pacifiers or bottles because of nipple confusion. So Natalia had a difficult time latching on for the first week and a half of our being together. It was making me sore and I was to the point where I was about to just give up all together. But then I decided “screw that!” I’m not going to give up because I WANT this for my baby, so I’m going to MAKE SURE it happens, no matter what it takes. If I have to breastfeed her every half hour then so be it. I consulted with a lactation specialist who was so inspired by my determination and told me that that’s what it takes, you have to really want to breastfeed for it to work out, which is what I truly want, exclusively. I only will use formula if I have to supplement, but otherwise I want to strictly breastfeed my baby mostly because it’s the healthiest for her, but also because it does establish a bonding relationship with you and your baby that just feels like pure love, and I want that with me and Natalia. So I have a $700 hospital grade breast pump that I’m using FOR FREE for a week-2 weeks just because my lactation specialist wants to help me because she sees how bad I want this. Unfortunately Natalia and I had a rough start, but now that things are back to normal we are going to work this out to both of our benefits. My advice to anybody else out there with this problem is to never give up on the things that you truly want. I am proud to say that Natalia has gotten MUCH better about latching on (although she still needs some improvement) and I am finally being able to produce enough milk to catch up with her needs. (:

Bringing Natalia Home ❤

Natalia & I Now (:

Natalia is Finally Here! ♥

♥ Natalia Ivette Chalreo Vila ♥ 1:12pm ♥ March 30, 2013 ♥ 7lbs.14oz. ♥
Shands Lake Shore Hospital of Lake City

Our beautiful baby girl was born yesterday! My water broke the day before at 2pm and I did not go to the hospital until 8am yesterday morning. When we got to the hospital I was already contracting 10 minutes apart for an hour, which is when my nurse told me to head to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, the nurses asked me if my water broke and I told them yes it had, yesterday at 2pm ad they were all in complete shock because they said I should’ve came in as soon as my water broke. Little did I know, because my instructions were to come in when I started having contractions. Since my water broke at 2 pm the day before, I had to have the baby out of me within 24 hours, and it was already 9:00am, giving me until 2 pm that day to deliver Natalia. They started me on pitocin right away to go ahead and have me dilating because when I had my vaginal exam, I was only dilated 2 cm. My delivering doctor wanted me to start labor on my own since I was already contracting. A couple hours later they checked my cervix again and I was still only 2 cm dilated. So I had 2 hours to dilate 8 cm. which obviously wasn’t going to happen, especially this being my first baby. So a cesarean was in order. I was very upset to have to go the c-section route because I really did not want to have this major abdominal surgery and be left with a terrible scar, but we needed to do what was best for the baby because she could be at risk for infection with my water being broken for almost 24 hours.

We had the c-section where she was born at 1:12 pm yesterday afternoon. The procedure took a total of 55 minutes, I didn’t have to go through the pain because they numbed me from the top of my waist down, there were nothing but positive outcomes really! The only bad part about the whole procedure was the scar and the recovery, HOWEVER the scar is not even bad, it’s so low nobody will ever be able to see it unless I show it to them, even when wearing a bikini, and the recovery isn’t taking anywhere near as long as I expected because it’s already been almost 30 hours and I’m already walking around fine, squatting (slowly) taking showers, cleaning, doing everything really but taking it easy as the doctor instructed. I expect to be completely normal in a week. (:

The baby and I haven’t been discharged from he hospital yet but I am very anxious to bring her home to sleep in her beautiful room that I decorated so nice for her. I’m am so excited to have her home with my little family and am extremely happy that she is finally here! I am the happiest woman in the whole world. Motherhood is an indescribable feeling and I LOVE being a new mom to such a perfect little angel. She truly is my heart and soul. I gave her life and she gave me a reason to live .<3

Pregnancy Post # 19 – 38 Weeks

37 Weeks & 6 Days Pregnant Photo – Please excuse the dirty mirror.

*38 Weeks & 2 Days Today!
*147 Pounds :  37 Gained Since Pre-Pregnancy

I had my weekly Doctor’s Appointment today and was happy to find out that I am already 1cm. dilated! Which means I’m 1cm. closer to seeing my precious baby girl. This appointment was very short, I was in an out in about a half an hour and am scheduled to come in again next week for another pelvic exam to see Natalia’s progress.

I also was scheduled for my biweekly Pregnancy Care Class appointment today, so I went there straight from my Doctor’s appointment. I learned a lot of need-to-know information about caring for your newborn. I relearned some things that I already knew, and learned new information that I’m thankful to know now! Also, a nursing student who is studying for her bachelors degree was there today and we spent about an hour and a half talking about baby care, birth and labor, and how to deal with your crying baby. She was 32 weeks pregnant with twin girls! So it was very interesting to have a talk with her. She also already had one daughter, so I asked her all about her labor experience, because now that I’m getting closer to the due date, I’m getting a little nervous about how I’m going to go through this. Her personal experience definitely helped ease my worries about giving birth, but even more so the after-birth. I am not looking forward to the breast pain that I’m going to experience when I get “engorged”, actually I might be even more nervous about that than the labor itself, lol!

My Super Cute Diaper Bag! (:

So I asked her all about that and she gave me a few good tips on how to deal with it. I feel very good to be able to talk to other mothers who have gone through what I am about to go through. It helps me to feel more confident about giving birth and caring for my baby. Also, I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, but this care class that I attend gives you paper money for every appointment, which you can use to purchase things in their resource room. I’ve accumulated enough to buy an entire bassinet, which I’m going to get for my baby daddy since he doesn’t have anything for the baby to sleep in yet. I figured I could help him save that money and then he can spend it on me! ;D

Yesterday my adorable pink and zebra diaper bag, electrical breast pump and Natalia’s zebra print light switch plate finally came in the mail. I am totally in love with the diaper bag! It’s HUGE so it will carry everything I need, not to mention how stylish it is. It looks exactly like it did in the picture, so I am very satisfied with my (actually daddy’s) purchase. I am now waiting for the storage bins, the electrical outlet covers, the hair bows and hair bow organizer, the zebra print picture frames, the wall pops, hamper, and zebra baby shoes to come in and then that will be everything I need to complete the nursery. I’m still trying to find things I can get to decorate the dresser, although I don’t want to clutter it because I have pink rhinestone scatters all over it. Besides, it’s not like her bedroom is going to have an audience anyways. Once the room is finally finished I’m going to make a tour video of it because the room is small and it’s kind of hard to take pictures of every little detail. So I’m just going to make a video showing everything off! By that time, Natalia will be born, so she’s going to be in her first video as well! (:

Baby daddy and I have been getting along very well since we spent the weekend together a couple weeks ago in Gainesville. In fact, when the baby is born he is going to take a whole week off of work to stay with me and the baby at my mom’s house. He wants to be around the baby for the first week of her being born so that she recognizes who her daddy is. He also wants to help me keep up with things around the house and make sure I get plenty of rest because he knows I will be feeling very tired post-pregnancy. I am very appreciative of the way that he is behaving towards me and am surprised but happy about his attitude towards the baby and taking care of us once she gets here. We are going to continue living in separate households until he gets a house, which should be no later than the end of this year. He is being extremely sweet and helpful to me, getting me everything I need for the myself and the baby, offering to clean and cook for me in the first week of my being home after labor, and taking me out so that I’m not cooped up in the house all day. I really am enjoying the new and improved him and I’m happy to say that he has definitely exceeded my expectations.

This weekend we have plans to take professional maternity pictures. His uncle, who is a professional photographer, will be shooting a set of photos, and one of my good friends has asked me to be her maternity model for her portfolio. I proudly accepted her request and am going on a shopping spree this Friday with baby daddy to buy outfits for the shoot. So I have a busy weekend ahead of me that I am looking forward to!

After my eventful weekend, I am not planning to go out at all anymore unless absolutely necessary. I feel the need to be at home saving my energy for labor as I get closer to the due date.

As far as my body and emotions, I am trying my best to remain calm as time passes by what seems like very quickly! I am extremely anxious and a little nervous about giving birth, especially because I have been feeling very strong Braxton hicks contractions. I can feel the baby moving inside of me near my upper thighs and it is so intense that it literally makes me want to just fall to the ground. I was fully aware that the contractions would get stronger and happen more frequently as I got bigger, but I had no idea that they would be SO uncomfortable! Sometimes, it paralyzes me and makes me not want to move at all for like 5 minutes straight. I’m getting more convinced that I might be getting an epidural, but I’m going to try my hardest to be a soldier and stick out the pain as long as I can. I will only settle for an epidural if the pain is ABSOLUTELY UNBEARABLE and has me in tears, because I saw a video demonstrating a doctor giving an epidural and I do NOT want that big ass hollow needle going into my back! Especially when there are rumors that half the time, the epidural only numbs you halfway. But we will see what happens, I am hoping for the best!

I’m going to continue doing my prenatal yoga all the way up until the very end. I read that this also helps induce labor. I am also going to try to refrain from thinking about any negative thoughts about giving birth because I want this to be a happy experience for me, even though I know it will be painful, but only for the periods of contracting and pushing. Once I see my beautiful baby girls face, I will forget all about the pain, and I am looking forward to that moment. ❤

38 Weeks & 2 Days Pregnant Photo

Pregnancy Post #16 – 35 Weeks

35 Weeks & 1 Day Pregnant
I was dressed up for my mom’s Birthday.

I have been working my pregnant butt off getting this nursery ready for Natalia since my last post! I had to take a break completely from my computer just so I could start getting things done at a timely pace; but it was a good, much needed break. I reorganized everything in her bedroom, clean and fully painted her entire dresser, plastered and sanded the walls, then taped the borders, painted that, and shampooed the carpet so it would be clean and fresh when baby girl gets here. I did so much work that I had to stop because my back was killing me! The most proud aspect about it is that all the hard work was done by me, 8 months pregnant, BY MYSELF. So I definitely have a lot to be proud of! Now all that there is left to do is reorganize the furniture once more, paint her night table to match the dresser, and put the crib and changing table together. That’s just the hard stuff though. I also have to wash all her clothes, towels and bedding, basically anything that will come in contact with her skin, put all that stuff away and organize her closet. I ordered some very cute zebra print handles and knobs to put on the dresser and night table a couple days ago, so I’m expecting those to come in the mail by next week. When I get those, I can put them on the dresser and night table and those items will be finished! I’m getting a little bit done every day and it should be fully completed within the next two weeks or even sooner if I keep up at this pace! I am very excited about how everything is turning out. The room looks absolutely GORGEOUS so far and I can’t wait for it to be done so I can take pictures of all my hard work.

Tattoo looks good! No stretch Marks (:

Still no doctor’s appointment since my last, but I go next week so I will have a medical update on my next post. (:

I’ve been getting some baby shopping supplies crossed off the baby needs list. I was even able to afford to get myself a matching outfit! I only shop for things on sale, with deals and coupons or just all around really good prices. You could call me cheap, but I like to think of myself as a smart shopper because I always try to make sure I get the most for my money, especially these days when that green stuff is so limited.

On Tuesday, I finally realized what this familiar pounding feeling was going on inside of me that occurred before but I couldn’t figure out what it was for the longest time. My daughter was having the hiccups and I even read that babies got hiccups inside the womb but never really payed attention to it. I didn’t even know what they felt like, if I could feel them at all. Well I definitely felt them Tuesday night while lying in bed. I just felt like this reoccurring beating sound in my belly that seemed to ‘loud’ to be a heartbeat; then I put two and two together. I had felt these before but did not know that Natalia was having hiccups. It was the cutest discover ever. I went to show my mom so she could feel them also and she laughed thinking it was the funniest thing ever. Mom also says that she can’t wait to hold this baby, she’s going to spoil her rotten, and in my head I’m like’Greattttttttt’, lol. No I’m just kidding. I know my mom is going to spoil her rotten and she is not the only one either. My little girl is going to be the happiest baby because she’s going to have nothing but love and affection around her all the time. I know I say it in every post, but it’s because it’s how I truly feel and I can’t help but to say it; I cannot wait to hold my daughter and have her here with me in my arms, holding her, cherishing her, caring for her, cuddling with her. This is going to be a very special and happy part of my life that I am totally ready for.

35 Weeks & 4 Days Pregnant ♥

Law Of Attraction – It Really Works!

It makes me so happy to know that this Law of Attraction thing really works, although I kind of already knew this a long time ago based on my personal experience with writing things down and then them just  showing up in my life. I’ve thrown a few things in my Creative Wish Box since I’ve made it, but haven’t really looked into it that much lately.

A Look Inside My Creation Box!

A couple days ago I decided to take a look in it to remember everything I had put in there. To my surprise I realized that a couple of things I put in my box had already manifested and I didn’t even know it! One of the things that manifested was my make-up organizer. I wanted to start with something small and realistic before I try throwing a picture of a house in my box. I couldn’t find a picture that look like what I wanted, so I just wrote it down on a sticky note with a detailed description and a drawing of what I wanted it to look like. It’s just a simple glass container that is a specific shape and height with decorations to hold my make-up brushes. This was manifested without me even realizing that this was in my creative wish box. Now I’m going to sketch a drawing of a reorganization of my entire top dresser and throw that in the box. We will see how long it takes for this to happen in my life! Another thing that manifested was the very first thing I put in my box, which was a sticky note that had $100 on it. That manifested in about a month since I put it in there! The last thing that came into my reality was the perfect sparkling black flip flops that I imagined. All of the things I’m putting into my box are happening in real life and I’m super excited about it! There are some other things in my creation box that I don’t necessarily need right now, such as my car that I want, and I think the Universe knows that I don’t need it right now, but it is creating means for me to get what I want when I need it in the future. So my car, as well as other things, is out their manifesting just waiting on the right time for me to give it the attention I need to attract it into my life.

Not only do I have a real ‘physical’ creative wish box, but I also have an online one. It’s an organized list of all the things I want to get for me and Natalia. I use Microsoft Excel to organize my lists so it can calculate the cost of everything for me on its own. Lately I have been crossing off items left and right that have been on my wish list since I read about the law of attraction. These things are coming into my reality very quickly and it makes me so happy because I am totally confident that I will have every single thing I need before Natalia gets here and more. Not only are things for Natalia getting crossed off, but things for me as well. I am totally convinced that this Universal Law is very real and it works when you let it. I am reading more about this kind of stuff in my Vortex book. This book is more about relationships, but it’s the same concept, using the LOA. Soon I will get so good at attracting things maybe I will attract a million dollar lottery ticket, lol! No, I’m just kidding, all-though that would be nice. ;P

The Vortex

I just started reading this new book called The Vortex-Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships. It is written by Esther & Jerry hicks who are the authors of The Teachings of Abraham. This book is one of the Law of Attraction series books, not too sure exactly how many there are. All I know is that these books are mind-blowing, eye-opening, and life-changing and I am so grateful that I have been directed to read these books because they have literally changed my entire way of thinking. I didn’t even read the first chapter before I read such a brilliant quote from the book, in the preface, where Jerry introduces himself and the purpose of this book:

“At the hub of these teachings of Abraham (not the biblical or presidential Abraham) is a profound concept: the basis of life is freedom, the result of life is expansion-and the purpose of life is joy.”

That is so very true, for me, now that I have a better understanding of what all of this, that I read means. I was nowhere near ready to stop reading my last book Ask and it is Given because it was THAT good; I didn’t want it to end. But now I have a new book to enjoy that is just as good, if not better (as I will find out!) and I will continue to read every book in this series because I want to know all the information they have to share. The messages in this book are so easy to read, and every time I hear one of his teachings on video or CD, the message is so easy to hear because as Abraham says, “we already know all of this information, we just forgot.” From pre-birth, we chose to be born into this life knowing that we are the creators of our own reality; therefore we can create any reality we want at any moment in time.

I highly recommend anybody that needs a better understanding of the way relationships work to read this. Even if you don’t understand everything you read, you will understand some of it and it will be of great help to your own personal life experience.Here is the summary printed on the back of the book so you have an idea of the content that I’m reading:

This Leading Edge work by Esther and Jerry Hicks, who present the Teachings of Abraham, will help you understand every relationship you are currently involved in, as well as every one you have ever experienced.
This book uncovers myriad false premises that are at the heart of every uncomfortable relationship issue, and guides you to a clear, understanding of the powerful creative Vortex that has already assembled the relationships you have desired. Abraham will show you how to enter that Vortex, where you will rendezvous with everything and everyone you have been looking for.
Abraham says: “It is our desire to help you to solve the mystery of those seemingly impossible relationships; to sort out the details of joyously sharing your planet with billions of others; to rediscover the beauty of your differences; and, most of all, to reestablish the most important relationship of all: your relationship with Eternal, Non-physical Source that is really you….
“It is our desire that you experience an enhanced appreciation of your planet; your body; your family; your friends; your enemies; your government; your systems; your food; your finances; your animals, your work; your play; your purpose; your source; your Soul; your past, your future, and your present….”

Single Mom-To-Be & Loving It. (:

I’ve decided to share my thoughts about how I feel being a single mom-to-be. I guess I will save the best for last and start with the bad. The truth is, there is no bad side of this, for me anyways. The only thing that I think is sad about my situation is that unfortunately, my daughter will grow up without a father. Although most people would probably call me selfish not to have the father in the baby’s life, I beg to differ. I actually think it is very unselfish of me. As a matter of fact, it would be selfish of me to stay with the father, just so my daughter could say she grew up with both of her parents. Having both of the parents in the household is the best for any child, of course who would argue with that? However, if the parents are unhappy, hardly get along and argue about everything, what good can that be for the child? Would it be fair for the child to grow up around unhappy parents who fight all the time? I don’t think so.

In my case, I have MORE than enough reasons not to be with the father and to raise my daughter by myself. A violent and drug-affiliated criminal background, a financially irresponsible person that has countless debts and an impulsive person who does not think before they speak or act around a child, let alone their own, that they already have with another woman, is not the ideal fatherly role model that I want to have around my daughter, that’s for sure. Now those are a few of the many without a doubt, true to the fact FACTS about _____ , as far as my opinion about him goes? I will leave those comments to myself as I do not want to bash my baby’s daddy on the public internet.

I can honestly and 100% truthfully say that I am enjoying (so far) playing the role of mommy and daddy. It gives me a strong sense of independence and the feeling that I can do anything and everything. I can spend all the time in the world doing whatever it is that I want without worrying about the approval or the acceptance of anybody else. Now that I don’t have a man around to distract me, I can finally get to know myself better and figure all things out in my life without the input or influence of anybody else. I can spend ALL my time on me and my daughter. I am the ultimate chooser of what her name will be, how/where she will attend school, how she will be brought up, her morals, etc. I love the idea of not having to share any of those responsibilities. Now of course, if the father wants to be a part of the child’s life, or vice versa, I will not/never prevent that. I think it would be wonderful for my daughter to have a “healthy” relationship with her father, know who he is and spend time with him. But from the looks of it, based on the no help received or interest about what goes on with the child, it doesn’t seem like I will have to worry about that part for now, until she grows older and starts to ask about her daddy. At that point, I will have more knowledge, circumstances will be different (hopefully so will he) and will be able to handle that situation accordingly. I do not plan on going after him for child support unless I’m completely poor and have zero money. If you knew him, you would know why! I don’t have any worries about not being capable of taking care of my daughter. I know in my heart that I will have everything I need to support my baby without daddy’s help. He has not helped since we found out I was pregnant anyways. Besides, he is such a difficult person to deal with, that it would give me headache, heartache, and stress to even have to communicate with him, especially if it deals with money. So it’s actually in my best emotional interest to just stay away completely! I will always have the option of making his life more difficult by coming after him for money, but I’m just not that type of person. I will not need to make his life difficult anymore than it already is because he does that on his own.

Now this is just my own personal story about why I am a single parent-to-be. As far as anybody else, my best advice to them would be to do whatever it is that makes them happy, NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION IS. If it makes you happy being with the father, then be with him. If it would make you happy to be without the father, then be without him. If you are not sure, you just know that in your present situation, you are not happy, change the situation to make yourself happy. When you are happy, your baby is happy, point blank. When you are unhappy, your child will be unhappy. But of course right? Your baby looks up to you and learns everything from you. You are setting the example for them. What good are you doing for them if you are not doing good for yourself?! That’s what I have finally learned and come to realize when people say “love yourself first,”, “always make sure you love yourself or you cannot love others,” “make your well-being your number one priority”. Now I know what all these wise quotes mean; and I’m so happy about it! I have complete confidence that I will have a wonderful rest of my pregnancy (as I have been since I left _____ ), that I will have an easy, fast labor with no complications, and that I will bring into the world the most beautiful and happy baby girl, and she will always be that.

Even when I was having (the few) joyous “happy” moments with my baby’s father, I still have never been as happy with him as I am now without him. And I would have never known about how happy I could make myself if I had made the stupid decision to stay with somebody that I know (and have known) would NEVER work out. I take full responsibility for my decisions. I knew at the beginning that this relationship was not such a good idea (I had just gotten out of one, me and baby daddy already had a past, and he pressured me into it-first red flag!), I knew when we decided we were going to get married that that was not such a bright idea (Thank God for not letting that happen although we tried, twice), and I knew, as time passed since we tried to get married, that things were still not working and could assume that it never would, based on our arguments and the way we fought, but I was naïve to my heart, and I decided to stay with the m*f-er anyways, which then resulted in having a baby with him. So it is completely my fault for allowing all of this to happen to me because I made all of the decisions that contributed to the result.

I would not change a thing about what I have done, because this little life inside of me has given me the inspiration I needed to better myself, my life, and my decision making skills. I seriously have never in my life felt so positive and completely good about myself, and everything in my life follows. The feeling is AMAZING. I am so proud of myself! I finished school in 2 months and graduated with a 3.6 GPA (which I could have never done staying with _____ because he would never give me time to myself, especially when he was around). I’m preparing for college 3 months after Natalia is born (which would have never happened if I stayed with him-it probably would have started out that way, but it would then change to him complaining of working all the time and not me, which was happening already). I also developed wonderful financial organizing skills to make sure I have the means to accommodate Natalia before, when and after she gets here (which also would have never happened being with an irresponsible, no money-management having ass that shared all the money and money-decisions!) As you can see, I’ve learned (the hard way) that if things are like this now, they’re going to be like this then, and not only that but it will only get worse. Now this of course is not the same for everybody, it really depends on the person and their willingness to change. But my baby daddy is 6 years older than me and set in his ways, not to mention he is very closed-minded, so there is no changing anything about that.

Another thing that I have learned is that when you have the right attitude and are in the right positive state of mind, there is no need to worry, because the universe takes care of everything for you. Now this statement can be contradicting. How can the bills get paid if you’re not working? What I’m trying to say is, when you are doing everything that you are supposed to do and you are positive about it, things work out in your favor. They actually turn out better than you expected. And you also get things when you least expect it. I’ve noticed that most people (that I know of) are afraid of the unknown, thus living in this “fear” holds them back from doing whatever it is that they want to do. How am I going to make money? How am I going to put food on the table? What table?! How am I going to get a place for me and my children to live? And all the like. Don’t let fear control you! If you don’t know how things will turn out, then why assume things wouldn’t?! How do you know that things could actually turn out a heck of a lot better than the way things are right now? You have to just take a chance and trust that everything will be alright, and they will. I don’t care what your situation is or what the circumstances are, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. And if you have a child/children, they should be even more of a reason for you to do what’s right for you and your child/children. I have so many young friends who are mothers that willfully choose to be unhappy with their baby daddy’s and husbands, and I think it’s so sad. Why do that to yourself? You have no idea how it’s affecting your kids. They can still have the father in their lives if that’s what you’re worried about. You can still make it on your own as long as you want to. Don’t be so hopeless! Don’t give up on yourselves just because you made some mistakes. Make things right, if not for yourself, do it for your children. There are so many options out there, so much financial aid you can apply for, so many help centers that you can turn to that will help you to get on your feet. All it takes is for you to decide what you want, and then do what you need to do to make that happen, and the universe WILL help you, that’s just how it works.

Anyways, I would have loved more than anything to have a baby with a father who would be to her what my father was to me (not necessarily, but you get the point). Unfortunately Fortunately, that will not be the case for Natalia. In the end, she will be much better off with her happy single mommy than she would be with her unhappy mommy and unhappy daddy together. And who knows?! Maybe some guy will come into the picture that will be everything to her that her daddy wasn’t/could never be. ;D

Now I DEFINITELY don’t want to have to worry about a relationship or men for a looooooong time after everything I’ve been through. I want to focus on figuring myself out, get into college, get a government job with benefits and job security so I can provide for my daughter in every way, and spend the rest of my time caring for her, spending time with her and watching her grow into the beautiful lady that she will become. I am so extremely happy about all of this. I’m patiently waiting for her arrival and feel myself getting more and more anxious to meet her every single day. ❤

Creative Wish Box Complete!

Well, I finally finished making my Creation Wish Box Project. Just in time too, seeing as how I have so many other projects to start. It took me almost a month to do, but it is totally worth it because, LOOK HOW CUTE THIS BOX IS?! I’m in love with it! It’s perfect for me, my wishes, it’s made by me, and it matches my zebra-obsessed room. ;D
I’ll post many photos of the progress of this project and everything I used to make it. I probably spent a total of close to $35 to make it; but hey, it’s what I wanted and it makes me happy. No regrets. (:

Let me just remind everybody that the purpose of this project was to put my learning of Law of Attraction into action. I make a box that makes me feel good, I put cut out’s, pictures, notes, and items that I want to attract into my experience in it, and then I allow/watch it manifest in my life. I can’t wait to start putting more items in my wish box and watch them appear in my life. This project puts me in a great mood and keeps me feeling positive about it and everything else. I am very happy that I made this box and I encourage everybody else to do it also! Of course, you don’t have to go all out and spend all kinds of crazy money like I did just to make a simple box, but do whatever makes you happy! You could make a collage on your box of things that you like, or cover it in pictures of yourself and the people you love in your life, you could even put random words and drawings all over it, whatever your heart desires. I would love to know if this is an inspiration for you to make your own box. And don’t forget to make sure you take plenty of pictures of it so you can show it off! (:

Pregnancy Post #12 – 31 Weeks

31 Weeks & 3 Days Pregnant

I am 31 weeks pregnant as of Monday. My next OB appointment isn’t for another two weeks, but there is a lot going on between now and then!

I revised my birth plan and made it to be more flexible about the circumstances that will/could be involved in my delivery. Also, my mother and I toured the hospital where I would deliver Natalia earlier this afternoon. It was very short and sweet, we were in and out it probably less than 15 minutes. They showed us an empty room that was fairly small, but the fetal monitoring and newborn care stuff were all in the same room; so mommy & baby are never separated, which is my favorite aspect about it. The hospital is very quiet, serene and peaceful-NOTHING AT ALL like the hospitals in the city (I’m referring to Jacksonville). I was very surprised about how nice this hospital actually is. I’m actually not at all worried about delivering at a hospital anymore, now that I got an idea of what the environment will be like.

A few Baby Shower Decorations. (:

I’ve already started planning my baby shower. I am excited and anxious about this more than anything. I’ve made the invitation and invited the guests, I’ve ordered my dress and some decorations, and for the next week days I’m going to work on making the rest of the decorations, the games, and the music I want to play during the event. I have a veryyy busy next couple of weeks! I have a pregnancy care class to go to tomorrow morning, my baby shower Saturday, my birthday Sunday (Yay, I’ll be 20!), Dr. appointment the following week and then I’ll be starting the baby nursery paint and set up. I envisioned how I wanted the nursery to look like and then I sketched it on paper to get a more realistic visual of what I want. I’m happy that I have so many exciting plans to look forward to. I know everything is going to have a perfect result because I’ve preplanned and thought out everything, what it’s going to look like and how much its going to cost.

As for me personally, physically, and emotionally, I’m doing fantastic. The only complaint I have is the increasing occurrence of “Braxton Hicks” pains. They’re not unbearable, but they sure are uncomfortable! I cope with them by either walking them out or swaying my hips, something that moves me around to help distract me. Eventually, usually shortly after, I forget about them and they go away.

According to my pregnancy app, Natalia is well over 16 inches long and already weighs 3.5 pounds! Feeling her move so high on my stomach close to my boobs, and in my pelvis at the same time feels kind of funny. There’s a big baby in my belly I can feel it, lol! It’s becoming more uncomfortable than cute, especially at night when I’m trying to sleep. But I love feeling her so active in her little home, it reassures me how healthy and happy she is. (:

Other than that, everything else feels great. Morning sickness has ceased (for now, ‘knock on wood’), No additional stretch marks, I’m gaining the perfect amount of weight, not too much not too little, I am actively doing my yoga at least every other day, I’m getting things done on a daily basis at a very convenient pace, I feel positive about myself, my life and everything that’s happening in it, and I have nothing but good expectations and positive intentions for the future.

Pregnancy Post #11 – 30 Weeks

Baby Dream
Google Images

I woke up in the best mood ever this morning. I had the most enlightening dream about my baby girl, born already, playing with me in my gigantic king sized bed, laughing, giggling and smiling at me. She had the most adorable little baby face, beautiful blue eyes (like mommy’s), and a head full of gorgeous dark brown hair (like daddy’s). She was the most beautiful thing I ever saw and I was having so much fun interacting and playing with her. It makes me feel good that I woke up to such a good dream because for one, I never remember any of my dreams; and two, they say your dreams tell you what your current point of attraction is. Good=good & bad=bad. Apparently my point of attraction is on the “good” scale, which makes sense because I have made this pregnancy the most positive experience ever in my life, and as a result I have been a much happier person.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday morning that went great. Weighing at a very satisfying 140 pounds, I took my Rhogam shot, asked many questions that I got answered, and scheduled another appointment in three weeks. One of my most important questions that got answered was me knowing what my actual gestational age is, so that I could properly assign tags to my pregnancy pictures. As of today I am 30 weeks and 1 day pregnant according to the baby’s gestational age, which makes the due date March 18, 2013 (same as daddy’s birthday).

Heart Beat Doppler
Google Images

When the nurse put the Doppler on my belly to hear baby’s heartbeat, all you could hear was Natalia moving around as if she got excited or scared. This crazy girl is so receptive it’s not even funny. She reacts to EVERYTHING that pushes her and the nurses just think it’s the cutest and funniest thing ever! She has such a personality already, it’s amazing. ❤ Every day, I spend about 5-10 minutes “playing” with her. I’ll feel her moving around, so I’ll push and poke at her, and then she’ll push and poke me back. It is too funny! It makes me laugh and smile and I feel nothing but love when I share these bonding moments with my unborn daughter. It amazes me how a baby can be so sensitive and responsive to the things outside the womb. I feel like she’s already so smart and her brain is not even fully developed yet! Also, Dr. Marlene informed me that at my next appointment, I can expect to have one last ultrasound before the baby is born. My mom is coming with me on that day so she can be there to see her granddaughter on TV for the first time. (:

29 Weeks and 3 Days

The Birth Center Tour also went absolutely wonderful. My mom (which btw is 100% supportive of my pregnancy) accompanied me on the tour and agreed that it was a very nice, comfortable place.  I would absolutely LOVE to give birth to my baby in that place. Unfortunately however, it is not practical for somebody with my circumstances.

For one, I am traveling from out of the area, so the travel time is ~45 minutes-NO TRAFFIC-according to Google maps. We left 15 minutes in advance and still ended up being 10 minutes late. Being in the middle of rush hour in a big, unfamiliar city didn’t help either; especially since the birth center only has tours at 5pm M-W. Second off, you have to be a patient there to have your baby there (how naïve of me to think otherwise). Which means I would have to travel approximately 50 minutes there and back every two weeks and then every week in my last month. God forbid I have a false alarm trip! Two words: Expensive and Inconvenient. Thirdly, I have A- blood type, which puts me at a higher risk than most pregnant women. The birth center mostly assists mother’s that are no risk, this way they don’t have to do an emergency transfer to the hospital often. Fourth, need I remind you that this is my first time having a baby, so I have NO idea what to expect when I go into labor. Although I want to have as natural of a birth as possible, there’s a chance that I could be unlucky enough to have intense pains that will be miserable and unbearable. If I’m at a birth center, I can’t say “hey, I think I’ll have an epidural now!” because they won’t give it to you. And I want to be able to have that choice if I’m in too much pain. All women are different; some women go through hell and back to birth their babies, and some women just pop them little suckers out no problem. Hopefully I will have one of those “just pop out no problem” babies, BUT you never know. And if the occasion strikes, I definitely want to have some kind of back-up.

Hospital Atmosphere
Image from Google

The only thing I’m “not too sure what to call it” feeling about the hospital is more than likely possibility of the doctors pressuring me to have my daughter vaccinated, which I will boldly refuse for several personal reasons. A lot of times, older people don’t take me too seriously because of my young age, and I would think the doctor’s especially because they’ve been through years of school. But, I know what I know, and I know what I want for my child, and I will refuse anything that I’m not comfortable with-in confidence-and will stand my ground. My mom will also be there to back me up if they give me a hard time, which I am very thankful for. I’ve have tried to avoid the hospital scene as much as possible (for reasons I’ve explained in previous pregnancy posts), but it looks like that’s where little Natalia will be born.

My plan of approach is to be flexible. I am going to look for all the positive things I can think of about being at the hospital when I’m in labor. And when I’m there for my actual delivery, I’m going to escape the hospital in my mind, which means I need to practice my meditation now! By then, it would be a tad difficult to achieve something unpracticed in a chaotic and possibly stressful environment. So from this point on, I am going to practice removing my mind from my current reality so I can concentrate on what I really want-to deliver my baby safely and promptly. Sometime this week I’m going to schedule a tour of the hospital to get a better feel of how the setting will look and feel like. I’m also going to revise my birth plan to share with my delivering nurse next appointment and start thinking about packing a hospital bag and gathering all emergency numbers. I don’t want to start thinking about too many things at the same time because I also have to plan my baby shower within the month and I want to think about the first things first.

I am so excited to be getting closer and closer the birth of my little girl. She brings out the best in me and she’s not even here yet. I am also very glad that I started this pregnancy blog to release my expression about this life changing experience. When Natalia is older she can see how happy her mommy was and how much I loved her already. ❤

30 Weeks

Pregnant (: